v fucked up: an interview with omar de col

me: Omar, why are u doing videos of you smoking? who do u think u are a role model for children

omar: tbh i don't even believe in smoking

me: 2pac said he;s not a role model bc "a role is something you play and a model is something you make, and i'm not fake."

as u can see, that rhymes

omar: if children speak english they won't understand french, so that can be interesting if u are able to understand portugese

or something

me: this is going well

i feel like u just said something deep and i didnt get it

what the fuck are u on about omar

omar: wel if u look at the history of the thing

then it's true

me: lol

omar: just look at the facts

me: when i examine the record, it becomes clear

omar: no no

me: lol

omar: the record is for playing music

i am talking about historical documents

u feel me

me: yea...i "feel u," omar

omar: lie

between

good and evil

is 'and'

u feel me?

me: trying to think of an abusive nonsequitur

omar: ok

exactly

so if u flip it

then it becomes a completely different things

for example

yesterday i was walking on the road

to talk to the locals

and u know what they always say?

they talk about jobs dissapearing

and frankly

i can understand their point

me: Do you care about like "literary culture" or would you rather just look at cute girls' facebooks/twitters?

this is a dumb and obvious q i just realized

omar: for me

it can be an interesting debate

for example

is there a culture

what is a cute girl

these are questions that are also debatable

so it can take a v long time

for example

do u believe in culture stephen

me: no

Hey Omar

what's your favorite Blink song

omar: ok that is very interesting to some people

maybe not me

me: this is a great performance so far bravo

whats your favorite blink song

omar: blink 182?

me: yea

omar: oh ok

me: was just thinking: this interview will just make all the girls like u more

nothing else will be accomplished

ur so selfish

omar: the one where they talk about the small things

me: shitty choice

omar: well ok

that is your opinion

me: lol

omar: and i will defend to the death your right to have it

me: who cut your hair

recently

didja self-cut

omar: thank you

me: lol

omar: i wanted to talk about this 

me: lol

omar: u mentioned it in the pre-interview

i went to this barber

who is chinese

and she calls me 'handsome boy'

which is something i like

because

very interesting sidebar

she is very good

at making me feel comfortable

me: ever listen to handsome boy modeling school

are they...are they somehow the same band...

omar: because she doesn't speak english

me: as...we are scientists...

somehow...

omar: i'm not sure what you're talking about

me: english makes u nervous?

omar: but i'm glad u are listening to different kinds of music

me: what should a girl do if she has u over

or a boy

omar: to answer your first question

english doesn't make me nervous

to answer your second question

i would need you to go into more detail

me: how have u met girls

didja ever meet a girl at camp

on a bus

in a garage

in a field

in a meadow

ata pub

omar: mostly the girls meet me

i think

me: rest stop

is that so

omar: yes

it depends where i am

in that situation

me: wherever u are, there they meet u

omar: no no

now u are twisting my word

frankly

when a girl meets me

or i meet a girl, as u put it

it is by chance

for example

i once knew a girl

because she hung around with my flat mate

and i stayed in my room

while they drank in the common area

to seem mysterious

and also

because i was shy

at some point

i went to sit with them

and we made eye contact

then as she was leaving i asked for her email

and spoke to her on msn

me: you DO seem mysterious

omar: messenger

well

idk about that

as you can see

i have a twitter, tumblr and used to have facebook

and am available on gchat

https://twitter.com/holiecrap

http://avantgardebagpipesolos.tumblr.com/

kellyhuckabyyy@gmail.com

can u see those

me: what would it take for u to go back on facebook for good

as it were

omar: well

to be honest

since u asked the question

i am going to answer it

me: exciting

omar: i have secretly been activating fb

mostly to view pix of girls

however

someone said to me yesterday

after i mentioned that i deactivated fb

that i will be back on it within a week

so i feel if i turn it on again

'for good'

i will seem like a lil bitch

and i care what ppl think

it is one of my flaws

what can i say though, i am human

we all have our flaws

u feel me?

me: i wonder sometimes...if u think abt the feelings of others..

i do wonder that...

omar: well

that is an interesting point

v metaphysical

have u read the philosophy?

me: no i havent read it

have u seen "a dangerous method"

omar: no

me: me neither

cool

omar: i would rather stay on topic

me: it looked good tho

omar: hold on

lets finish what u started

me: can one tho remain on topic

omar: u haven't deactivated fb

am i right in saying that?

me: you have said so

omar: ok

so i will assume that is true

since u wont give me a straight answer

do u consider the feelings of ppl who want u to deactivate fb?

me: lol

me: When are u coming to amerika

omar: awp '13

me: cool

u heard it here first

omar: oh

ha ha

me: u can meet elaine

thank god

omar: are we breaking the 4th wall now

me: it's broke

omar: ok

me: can u take some sexie fotos to accompany this interview

seeing as i cant peruse ur fbook pix

cause ur a selfish prick

omar: do you remember when i made my point about u not deactivating fb?

me: just go in photobooth for a while

what else should i deactivate

omar: i don't have photobooth

i'll take a pic i guess

me: thank you

omar: lol

are we still in the interview

me: yes

omar: ok

is there anything else u would like me to talk about?

me: idk like

probably my initial thots are dispensable now

something abt literature

omar: ok

well lately i have been reading lydia davis

well

i read the first story

me: whaddya think of her

omar: then i fell asleep in the sun

me: perfect

omar: but i liked the first one

me: u ever read salinger

omar: no

i don't have time for him

me: "just before the war with the eskimos"

he doesnt have time for u

omar: yes

he's dead

me: no hes not

omar: yes he is

me: n-o

omar: it was in the news

me: anyway what else u up to

his body's decomposed yea

omar: i am in the process of completing some stories

me: cool

omar: and writing some peoms

for a ebook or chapbook or something else

me: cool

omar: called 'idk, idc'

me: will u finally appear in a lit mag

not that it matters

or will u release in collections exclusively

omar: i don't have any interest really in being in a lit mag

apart from pop serial

me: atta boy

omar: LOL

me: i feel u

at last

i feel u

omar: lol

fuck

me: i dont even use linked in

why do ppl keep trying to add me

what are they gonna get a job or something

whens the last time u had a gf

omar: i always worry i am missing opportunities on that

by not accepting friend req

me: lets get down to what can only be described as brass tacks

omar: last time i had a gf

me: who was ur last gf

omar: was

in 2008 maybe

me: who was she

howd u meet

omar: very interesting question

me: yes

omar: we met in my flat

at uni

me: what was the occasion

omar: i think she was just hanging out with my flat mates

and i would stay in my room

me: to be mysterious

omar: yes

by mysterious though

i mean

mysterious to me

me: antisocial

omar: well

not really

asocial maybe

me: so ur trying to bedevil yourself with ur own mysterious ways

omar: no

i just dont understand myself

me: o

yes yea

omar: u feel me

me: yea

omar: v fucked up

me: its alright omar

so howd u meet then

girlfriend

she came into ur room

or did u emerge

omar: i emerged at some point

me: yes

omar: to cook bacon

our kitchen and common room were attached

like

one big room

and then because they were there

me: full of bacon bitches

omar: and i had finished cooking the bacon

i felt peer pressured

into sitting with them

so i did that

me: did u offer her a slice

omar: no

it was in a sandwich

me: o i see

omar: i made eye contact with her at some point

didn't talk to her

maybe said a few things during the conversation to be involved

me: describe the eye contact

omar: like

me: was it furtive or...lingering

omar: i had the sandwich in my mouth

biting down

and like

me: lol

omar: looking around

and our eyes met

then i looked away

because i felt scared

me: =)

omar: later when she was leaving

i think i said i'd walk her back to her flat

me: just off the eye contact

omar: and then i asked her for her email at her door when saying good night

me: nice

her email

haha

sounds nice

is there anything else u'd like to add, omar

omar: no