My Writing

Sunday, November 27, 2011


Red Lightbulbs published my poem, "I want to read that Juan Rulfo you love, The Burning Plain."

Juan Rulfo is the author of The Burning Plain and Other Stories as well as Pedro Páramo.

I went home to Milwaukee for Thanksgiving. Me and several of my family members caught a stomach flu. Saturday night I puked a lot. I've been feeling kind of weak and shitty since then. I said to my mom, "Now my body state is analogous to my mental/emotional state."

I am typing at my dad's desk. He has a framed drawing of Jesus laughing.

Keep feeling like I need to "get my ass in gear." Not sure what I mean exactly, but I need to "get my ass in gear."

I was explaining to my mom why I like this one comedian and I said it was not primarily because of his humor--although I appreciate that--but because he seemed present, in the moment, when interacting with people.

I am going to miss Steve Roggenbuck when he leaves Chicago.

Steve said recently that tickets to London are surprisingly cheap. I would like to visit all my UK friends. I was in London for a week once and had a great time. I drank cider and went to night clubs. I witnessed a clubwide singalong to "Wonderwall," which was played, conspicuously, in the midst of an otherwise all-rap-and-pop DJ mix.

I've been reading Nausea and I don't think I like the prose style or Sartre's editing decisions. There are a lot of to-me uninteresting details included, such as overheard conversations and seemingly unessential historical information, and the prose style seems neither pleasingly "clean" nor pleasingly "voice-y," i.e. a strong narrator voice. I think it could have been either of the aforementioned with revision.

I have already started reading another book, Almost Transparent Blue by Ryu Murakami. I like the prose style a lot so far, as well as the shaping of chapters. There's a lot of dialogue, a lot of subtle character insight, and the prose is spare in a way I like. I feel like Murakami has designed everything carefully, and I'm excited to keep reading.

I am going to do a video interview with Sam Pink this week. I feel positive about this week. Love to you all.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Doors

That photo is of Clarice Lispector. I have moved the paragraphs about her to near the end of this blog post.

Steve Roggenbuck and I are going to start emailing daily writing to each other (him a poem, me prose stuff). This way we can help each other stay productive.

Friday was "Beer Friday" at work. The theme this week was German beer. I tried a Belgium white expecting to not like it and did not like it. Some people invited me to go with them to a bar. I like when people invite me to things, especially if I would want to go to a place with those people.

I bought a round of shots. I did karaoke: "99 Problems" Jay-Z. I felt very white during my performance. A black woman, I think the hostess, touched my arm as I walked by and complimented my performance.

I am going to try to buy my family Christmas presents this year. I am less broke this year. I like when I think of a nice present to give someone. So far I have thought of one present to give, but it is not for a family member.

Saturday during the day I felt as if I were rotting inside. I think it was on account of having little on the stomach and drinking a lot of coffee and also various disappointments and sadnesses and general confusion and angst and a lack of certain things and general shittiness. I went to a "Friendsgiving" dinner and drank a lot of wine. Later I went to a place and then another place and then went home.

I finished reading The Passion According to G.H. by Clarice Lispector. I liked it a lot. It's very philosophical. This woman goes into her maid's room and closes a door on a cockroach and then sort of meditates on the cockroach as a symbol/metaphor for various things.

Here is some from it:

"If my life is transformed into it-itself, what I now call sensibility will not exist--it will be called indifference. But I am still unable to learn that way of being. It is as if hundreds of thousands of years from now we finally won't be what we feel and think anymore: we shall have something that more closely resembles an 'attitude' than an idea. We shall be living matter manifesting itself directly, unmindful of words, going beyond always-grotesque thinking.

And I won't travel 'from thought to thought' but from attitude to attitude. We shall be inhuman--as humanity's greatest conquest. To be is to be beyond the human. To be a human being doesn't do it, to be a human has been a constraint. The unknown awaits us, but I sense that that unknown is a totalization and will be the true humanization we long for. Am I speaking of death? no, of life. It isn't a state of felicity, it is a state of contact."

It is about 170 pages of that sort of thing. I thought some of the best bits were toward the end and so I concluded satisfied and feeling positive about the book overall.

I recommend her. I have also read Near to the Wild Heart and The Hour of the Star. Both of those have more characterization and action than The Passion.

Today I purchased The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley at Myopic, along with Almost Transparent Blue by Ryū Murakami.

I started The Doors of Perception. It is about Aldous Huxley taking mescaline; he describes the effects it has on his consciousness and understanding.

Here is a part:

"That which, in the language of religion, is called 'this world' is the universe of reduced awareness, expressed, and, as it were, petrified by language. The various 'other worlds,' with which human beings erratically make contact are so many elements in the totality of the awareness belonging to Mind at Large. Most people, most of the time, know only what comes through the reducing valve and is consecrated as genuinely real by the local language. Certain persons, however, seem to be born with a kind of by-pass that circumvents the reducing valve. In others temporary by-passes may be acquired either spontaneously, or as the result of deliberate 'spiritual exercises,' or through hypnosis, or by means of drugs. Through these permanent or temporary by-passes there flows, not indeed the perception 'of everything that is happening everywhere in the universe' (for the by-pass does not abolish the reducing valve, which still excludes the total content of Mind at Large) but something more than, and above all something different from, the carefully selected utilitarian material which our narrowed, individual minds regard as a complete, or at least sufficient, picture of reality."

Saturday, November 5, 2011

a blog about what i listen to at work


this blog has a theme. the theme is: songs i listen to at work.

my job is to do data entry on a computer all day. thankfully my office is pretty laidback and my co-workers are all around my age + enjoy haveing fun, talkeing, laugheing, and generally liveing life to fullest.

what i do to pass the time is listen to interviews with actors or writers and listen to music on youtube. below are some songs i like to listen to, with commentary:

R. Kelly, "Screamer"

the beginning of this song reminds me of "sexual eruption" aka "sensual seduction" by snoop dogg (remember that one?). synths slowly wash over the listener like a dang wave on the sand, then the beat comes in. r (can i call him r?) has turned on a fun audio effect so his voice sounds kewl.

this song is about how r kelly is fucking a girl in his room during a party, and she is screaming a lot (hence, "shorty is a screamer") and thus potentially "letting the cat out of the bag" re they are fucking in his room during the party. the lyrics also mention that the girl is turned on by the fact that there are people on the other side of the door, so basically she wants them to hear. i have worked this song into my "addictive r kelly songs" rotation, which also includes "text me," "sex weed," and "hair braider." this song ends with someone wailing his/her ass off on guitar.

ASAP Rocky, "Bass"

I heard this song last week and have been playing it a lot at work and walking to and from work. I don't know, it just has an awesome beat, basically. The producer is Clams Casino, who also did the "Im God" beat for Lil B. i like atmospheric beats with cool samples that also knock.

I've watched some interviews and things with ASAP Rocky and downloaded his mixtape. So far I haven't heard any other songs by him that i like as much as "Bass." He seems interesting, though. i guess he's into high fashion and wearing rick owens and shit. that's cool. another interesting thing is he lives in harlem but his sound is heavily influenced by rap from other regions, like houston screwed-style shit, for example.

The-Dream, "Ghetto"

i am a big fan of The-Dream. his latest album has a lot of ballads and emoshunal songs on it, but this is like the banger.

sometimes i'm in the mood for some catchy-ass indie rock:

Islands, "Tender Torture"

yall remember the Unicorns?

my favorite lyric in this is "kicked open a coconut / could've shared it with anyone / but i wanted to share it with you."

of Montreal, "Beware Our Nubile Miscreants"

i am an of Montreal fan. this is off their Skeletal Lamping album, which i thought was underrated, at least by pitchfork.

i like the lyrics in this. "You only like him 'cause he's sexually appealing / But his psychic's prediction has him hanging from a ceiling fan / In eight months."

Kevin Barnes's main influences seem to be The Beatles and Prince. i like that.

Below is a final song that is kewl and has a kewl video. kewl~!

League, "How Do I Know"

Wednesday, November 2, 2011



this is another blog post.

blog revival.

i am drinking wine.

maggie "margaux" lee has joined the movement by doing a blog.

who will be next? frankly, i don't know.

steve is playing birdman ft. a bunch of people in the next room. i hear jeezy currently.

tomorrow is our ustream. are you attending

i am currently reading the passion according to g.h. by clarice lispector. i like it. it is very philosophical. a woman enters her maid's quarters and partially squashes a cockroach and the cockroach becomes symbolic to her of many things. i like it so far.

i am watching a cat this weekend, steve's cat, bc he is going out of town. i think i will get it mad high on cat nip.

also this weekend is EAR EATER ft. sam pink, megan boyle, jordan castro, mallory whitten, miles ross. i suggest you tune in or attend if you live in chicago.

what else can i blog about.

steve claims we are going to make popcorn soon. i hope so.

we are now enjoying popcorn and listening to a dubstep remix of the theme from "requiem for a dream." sweet

now we're listening to justin bieber rapping over the "otis" beat. hehe

this is a blog, ttyl, <3

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Whatever" (Return of teh Blog)

hey everybody

as Ben Brooks and DJ Berndt have pointed out, and as other ppl have said, where have all the blogs gone away?

my blog hasn't been updated in something like a month.
here it is then

An Update.

i am now living with my good friend, Steve Roggenbuck. You may know him from the popular web blog tumblr Live My In our new life together Steve and i plan to bake vegan gluten-free pumpkin muffins, host small dinner parties, and raise a small family of 12.

hopefully Steve and i can help each other avoid crippling depression during these upcoming winter months.

if you would like to read Ms. Ani Smith's unedited thoughts re Steve and i's e-book, I LOVE MUSIC, you can do that here. i recently saw Vicki Tingle and Laurens Verdonkschot read from the e-book in a Ustream from Brighton and it made me blush and feel very happy to see them laugh and enjoy it. <3

Steve and i are going to be doing a Ustream this Thursday at 8 CST. if you tune in, you will surely see carousing, lolligagging, and tomfoolery the lieks of which [something something something]

there is also an Ear Eater reading/ustream this Saturday in Chicago/the internet. it will feature Cassandra Troyan (hostess/performance artiste); Sam Pink (sex symbol/author); Megan Boyle (writer, former Chicago resident, current Baltimore resident, via Skype); Jordan Castro (writer/penis-ripper, Ohioan); Mallory Whitten (artist, writer, also in from Ohio); and Miles Ross (funny person, writer, via Skype). i am attending. If you are in Chicago, the address is 5513 S. Cornell Ave. Apt. #2.

something i have tried recently (yesterday) is drinking a bottle of wine on a monday night. it dramatically improved my outlook and caused me by bottle's end to wander in an appreciative-of-all-things-under-the-son-and-moon daze from the dining table to the entrance to Steve's room where indeed Steve was at his computer and i said to him, likely interrupting a flurry of pokes, a Flarf harvest, and two Fbook chat convos: "Steve, you know what, I love everyone, Steve. To be quite honest Steve, everyone is beautiful." that is not a direct quote, hardly does justice. this after only a day prior saying to Steve, before bed, when already tucked in under my sheets like a little boy waiting for his bedtime story: "Steve.... [face of mock wimpering frowniness, truly silly and strange-sounding voice affectation] Steve... is it...can you tell it going to be oKAAyyy...really though like...just like...are things going to fucking work Ooouuuuut or WHAAAtt...(?!?)" not a direct quote, and he affected the look of a solemn, kindly dingbat and said that "Well yes...of course's going to be fucking okay okay" not a direct quote.

i have a Formspring if you want to ask me questions.

recently i read a book i enjoyed, Whatever by Michel Houellebecq.

Houellebecq is this controversial French guy and Whatever is his first novel. it made me laugh a lot and feel less lonely. his humor is kind of in poor taste at times and he might be offensive to some ppl, but he made me laugh. to me it was like a meaner, more crass Woody Allen-type feel. very bleak philosophy, lots of complaining and cynicism. it's about this man who works in an office and his co-worker is ugly and can't attract any women and the narrator cracks sardonic jokes about everyone in the office and everyone he meets and decides by the end of the book that he is very fucked and everything is fucked and it is especially fucked if you're ugly but it is fucked even if you are not so ugly.

in conclusion, i am going to try to blog more.